


Ignorance is Bliss

by TheChelsness



Series: One Hell of a Drink -AU [4]
Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, One Hell of a Drink AU, i never know what tags to use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 05:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7999693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChelsness/pseuds/TheChelsness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The plot begins to thicken!! <br/>Satsuki learns what a real family is like.<br/>Ryuko gets an awesome Christmas present.<br/>Ragyo drops a bomb.<br/>Everyone questions Uzu's sexuality. <br/>Where is this story going? Why didn't I think of the plot before now? So many things need to be tied together!!! Welcome back to the wild world of One Hell of a Drink AU!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ignorance is Bliss

Satsuki stared out the window for a long time, letting thoughts drift uninhibited through her mind. The days were cold, grey, and short. In spite of the gloomy weather and seemingly relentless darkness, it was the time of year that people were usually full of "holiday cheer", whatever that was. Satsuki couldn't remember ever liking Christmas, mostly because she couldn't ever remember enjoying spending time with her mother. Around this time of year, she often wondered what it would have been like to have a normal childhood. Perhaps with a mother that was more interested in raising a daughter than a successor. Satsuki knew very little about Ryuko's childhood. Only that her father had passed away at some point and that Mako's family had taken her in. Usually her seasonal brooding went undisturbed, but this particular afternoon, as if summoned by her very thoughts of the woman, a gentle pair of lips pressed softly to the back of her neck breaking her away from her drifting thoughts. She hummed lazily, leaning into her, as Ryuko slid strong arms around her. 

"Uzu's here. I'm gonna go help him," Ryuko informed Satsuki, who again responded with only a hum. After another soft kiss to the back of Satsuki's neck, Ryuko was gone, leaving Satsuki to once again dwell in her thoughts.   

 

"That's it?" Ryuko and Uzu were standing in the parking lot of the apartment building staring into Uzu's car's trunk in the middle of the crisp early December afternoon. Ryuko was cursing at herself for not wearing a jacket, figuring she would be doing lots of heavy lifting out of the back of a moving truck. 

"Well, yeah. I sold all my furniture so all I have are clothes, my Kendo gear, and a few boxes of stuff. I do have to go back one more time for my TV. How much did you have when you moved in?" Ryuko didn't have much room to talk. She had even less than Uzu and she just threw out all of her furniture. It only took them a few trips and when Uzu came back with his TV, he was able to bring it up by himself without a problem. 

"What in the world do you need that for?" Nonon asked with a sour look on her face. "I already have one, and it's bigger." 

"I just figured we could put it in the living room so Matoi and I don't have to play split screen anymore." The statement almost came out of his mouth as a question and the horrified expression on both Nonon and Satsuki's face almost dashed the hopeful ones on Uzu and Ryuko's. "Wwwwhen you guys are out," he added as Nonon pinched the bridge of her nose. 

"This was a horrible idea," she grumbled as he laughed, pulling the tiny woman into a bear hug. 

"You're the one who talked me into it, but you may have been very drunk at the time." 

 

Just a week previously, Aikuro and Tsumugu had shut down the bar for the Mankanshoku family to throw a huge Thanksgiving dinner for the whole gang; Mrs. Mankanshoku had insisted that everyone come. Of course it being the bar, and the entire gang being there, the dinner dissolved very quickly into a party after everyone was finished eating. Both Uzu and Ryuko had, much to their embarrassment, tapped out after only two specials each and were gingerly nursing a beer when an even more intoxicated Nonon fell into his lap. 

"Do you reeeeeeally have to go back to _your place_ tonight?" She nearly spat out the words 'your place' like it was something vile.   

"I do pay rent to live there. I should probably spend at least one night." Nonon seemed to be having a difficult time understanding that there was any reason in the world he wouldn't want to spend the night with her. "You know you could come with me," and Uzu wiggled his eyebrows with a smirk on his face that told everyone exactly what he was thinking. 

"The thought of spending a night in your bachelor pad is literally a complete turn off. If that's how you feel about it then just move in." Ryuko wasn't sure exactly how she did it, but Nonon half rolled, half stood up out of Uzu's lap. 

"That's probably something we should talk about when we're a little more so-"

"I know what I'm saying silly monkey. I'm not  _ that  _ wasted." She tossed him her keys and he stared at them for a moment. "But just in case, maybe you should drive." 

 

So here they all were. Satsuki was unknowingly playing with the hem of Ryuko's shirt as they sat on the couch watching Nonon and Uzu continue to "argue" about the TV and where his gaming console would take up residence. However, most of this "argument" failed to register to Satsuki, whose thoughts began to drift again. Perhaps this is what it was like to have a family. Nearly eight months ago, this apartment was a quiet fortress for her, a place to remake and rebuild herself the way she wanted to be as opposed to her mothers tool for global domination. Now it was constantly buzzing with a life and a warmth that she didn't know what to do with. She was so lost in her thoughts that Ryuko had to stop the pillow, thrown by Nonon, from colliding with her face. This had piqued Ryuko's interest in Satsuki's more than usual closed off and spaced out demeanor. Nonon was simultaneously apologizing to Satsuki and berating Uzu for making her do it. Satsuki, however, just stared, not sure where the sudden rush of affection towards the two was coming from. They had reached the point in their "arguing" everyone knew they would get to and the sound of their continued squabble faded as they made their way to their now shared room. 

Ryuko softly nudged Satsuki with her elbow. "What's up Sats? You're a lot quieter than usual." 

"Hmmm? Oh, it's nothing. Just…" but whatever she was going to say to try and dismiss the question was lost as Ryuko tangled her fingers into Satsuki's. The final breakdown of her carefully laid defenses came when steel blue eyes met the clear water oceans of Ryuko's. "What was Christmas like for you as a child?" The question, to Ryuko, came from way out of left field and it took a moment for her to understand. 

"C-Christmas for me? As a child?" She repeated a bit slowly. Satsuki nodded as her thumb began to trace light circles on the back of Ryuko's hand. "Ummm, well. I don't know how old I was, but my mom died when I was really young. I don't remember her at all and dad would never tell me about her. I guess it was too painful. He was always busy with work, probably how he dealt with it. I remember one year Aikuro and Tsumugu came to the house and brought presents. After that, I spent almost every year in boarding schools. I'd only come home for a few weeks in the summer so I never really had a family Christmas." She shrugged as a rueful smile made it's way across her face. "Sorry, I guess that was kind of depressing." Satsuki looked down at their entwined fingers. 

"No, it's ok. Mine weren't much better." It was Satsuki's turn to smile ruefully. 

"But when Mako's family took me in, Christmas was wild!" She laughed. "Mataro was always trying to sneak a peek at his presents, but Mrs. Mankanshoku somehow managed to catch him every time. One year, she smacked him upside the head with a frying pan. He never tried again." Satsuki smiled. "What's this about Sats?" 

"It's nothing. At least this year I'll have you with me." Satsuki was nuzzling at Ryuko's neck and so she missed the shocked expression on Ryuko's face. 

"W-with you? Where?" Ryuko stammered. 

"The annual REVOCS Christmas party of course," Satsuki stated plainly, as if this were obvious. 

"We're going to go?" Ryuko did her best to not shudder at the thought of being in the same room as Satsuki's insane mother for an extended period of time.  

"I can make it worth your while," Satsuki said in a husky tone. This didn't exactly help ease Ryuko at all. In fact, she jumped as if she had been shocked when Satsuki's hand made it's way under Ryuko's shirt. 

"Your hands are cold," she said in response to Satsuki's silent question. "I'm gonna go shower." Ryuko mumbled about being all sweaty from helping Uzu as she disappeared into their room, leaving Satsuki alone with her thoughts again. For Ryuko's sake she would not admit that she knew exactly what was on Ryuko's mind. It was only a matter of time now. She would soon begin to dismantle her mother's empire and be rid of her forever, one way or another. There was just one more thing to take care of before she could devote most of her time to this particular endeavor. 

 

***

 

Ryuko's schedule had filled up quickly. Not long after she had began training Uzu and Ira, she had began receiving requests from their friends. She was now training half of the police force thanks to Ira’s connections, and she had somehow become personal trainer of the local Kendo chapter. The gym she had been using was starting to complain and her unofficial business came to a grinding halt when she received a cease and desist letter from the gym. Luckily, it came just before the Thanksgiving holiday. Most of her "clients", which Ryuko herself refused to call them as such, were taking the week off anyway. 

Ryuko yawned and stretched across the empty bed. Like most weekends, Satsuki was already awake and busy long before Ryuko began to stir. She lazily scratched the back of her head as she sleepily wandered into the living room, finding Satsuki, like always, working at the dining room table. 

"How much longer will you be?" Satsuki asked to whoever she was on the phone with. Ryuko absentmindedly cut a lemon in half and sat on the other side of the table. "Excellent. We'll leave immediately."  

Ryuko's attention was piqued at that last sentence. "We?" She asked through a mouthful of lemon.

Satsuki lit up, a rare sight that left Ryuko dazed whenever it happened. "Get dressed. I have something for you." Satsuki closed her laptop and brought her teacup into the kitchen as she called Soroi. 

The ride was short and entirely silent. They stood in the parking lot of a small plaza, in front of a space with fully blacked out windows. It had no signage advertising what the space was.

"You rushed me out of the house the second I woke up to come to….a sex shop? I know we've done a lot of boning but Sats, are you bored?" Ryuko couldn't help the worried tone in her voice.  

"Don't jump to ridiculous conclusions," Satsuki began as she led the way to the door. "I'm far from bored with our sex life." She finished as she unlocked the door and stood aside, motioning for Ryuko to enter. 

"Well, what conclusions did you think I would jump to when you brought me to a shop with…blacked out…woah," Ryuko trailed off as she entered. 

"I know it's smaller than the one you're used to, but I had Uzu and Ira help pick out the equipment. Hoka just finished setting up the computer systems, software, and networking you'll be using. He will be back tomorrow to teach you how to use it. As much as you loathe to admit it, you have a full client load. You need your own space and a better management system and…Merry Christmas." Satsuki held up the key in front of a speechless Ryuko. Satsuki dropped the key as Ryuko held both her hands under it. She looked around again before flinging her arms around Satsuki's neck, pulling her into an enthusiastic kiss. 

"Have I ever told you I love you?" Ryuko grinned as she pulled away. 

"Every day," Satsuki replied with a soft smile of her own. She sat at the desk off to the side as she watched Ryuko weave in and out of the various machines and pieces of equipment. 

"Hey! Can we go home so I can change and come ba- You are the best. Ever." Ryuko nearly crashed into the desk when she ran back. Satsuki had been prepared, as she so often was for everything, and held up a set of Ryuko's workout clothes. "Hey! I've been looking for these!" Ryuko yelled as she disappeared into the locker room. "Holy shit! It's got showers and shit too?! Damn Sats. This is awesome. Thank you."

 

Satsuki had never seen Ryuko work out. In spite of Ryuko being added to her membership, gym time was revered as sacred alone time for each of them. Satsuki watched as Ryuko ran on the treadmill. About halfway through her run, Ryuko took off her shirt and threw a wink in Satsuki's direction. 

"Sats, wanna spot me?" Ryuko asked as she wiped the sweat from her face. Satsuki said nothing, but quirked an eyebrow as she watched Ryuko add weight to the bar. "Don't worry, I'll go easy." Ryuko slid under the bar and readied to begin the set, but Satsuki was not behind her when she looked up to smirk at her. 

"Good. You're going to need some energy," Satsuki teased as she straddled Ryuko. She only did five reps before racking the bar.

"Right here?" Ryuko asked and Satsuki shook her head.

"We should christen your office desk, don't you think?" Satsuki asked with a sly smirk and tilted her head, indicating a door on the far side of the gym. Ryuko sat up and wrapped her arms around Satsuki's waist.

"Satsuki Kiryuin, how am I  _ ever _ going to get any work done in there if that's the first thing I do?" Ryuko smirked as Satsuki kissed her and pointed to the office. Ryuko easily carried Satsuki, pushing her against the door as they continued to make out. The heat between them had little to do with the fact that Ryuko had just been working out.

"It should be- open-" Satsuki managed between kisses and Ryuko tried the handle of the door. It swung open and Ryuko nearly fell on top of Satsuki as she stumbled into the office. Regaining her composure, Ryuko gently set Satsuki onto the surface of the desk, but everything came to a grinding halt when the front door chime sounded.

"Were you expecting anybody else?" Ryuko asked as Satsuki smoothed her clothing and gracefully slid off the desk. There was a familiar unease that sent a spark of panic through her. She had gone to great lengths to keep the property acquisition anonymous, how had her mother found it so quickly?

"My Lady," a thin, blonde man in a lab coat addressed Satsuki as she emerged from the office. 

"In what capacity are you here, Iori?" Satsuki asked, almost harshly, but like Ryuko, he too seemed to sense the edge of anxiety in her voice. 

"Personal business. Lady Ragyo is not aware of this meeting." There was an audible exhale from Satsuki, but the tension in the atmosphere remained. 

Satsuki abruptly turned to Ryuko, who was painfully aware that an entire conversation had transpired between this man and Satsuki that she was not privy to. Satsuki gently cupped the side of Ryuko's face, forcing eye contact. For the briefest of moments, Satsuki's eyes were soft. This was the silent reassurance to Ryuko. While she may never know the scheming and planning that Satsuki could hide from the world behind the calculated and closed steel blue, there was absolutely no one else that knew the endless clear blue sky that lay beyond it other than Ryuko. Where there was more to a conversation between only a few spoken words, there were volumes spoken entirely in silence between them in a single kiss. This particular one, however swift it may have been, was full of promise. 

"Soroi will take you home when you're ready," Satsuki said sternly, leaving no room for questions, her eyes hardened once again. Ryuko knew there was no point in trying.

 

***

 

The Kiryuin manor loomed menacingly over Ryuko and Satsuki's gentle grip on her forearm did little to calm the storm brewing within her. 

"They're going to eat you alive if you don't hide that," Satsuki spoke softly to her. Ryuko swallowed thickly, she was never able to contain herself the way Satsuki could. 

"That doesn't help," Ryuko growled before taking a deep breath.

"It's just a holiday party, Ryuko." Satsuki said as if saying it would make it true. 

"You and I both  _ know _ this is not just a party. This is walking into the wolves den." 

Satsuki threw her a pleading look. "I'll be with you the entire time and you're not exactly helpless." She squeezed Ryuko's bicep and gently pushed her. 

For the first time since they left the apartment, Ryuko grinned. "Don't worry, I have licenses for them," she said as she flexed. Satsuki jabbed her in the stomach. 

 

They both regained their composure as they approached the manor. Ryuko's look of fierce determination as she stared down the massive doors caused Satsuki to let out a small snort of amusement before they opened, seemingly of their own accord.  

"Lady Ragyo has been expecting you, Lady Satsuki." A short, fat man, in a three piece suit identical to the one Soroi wore, stood bowed in the entrance. A sly smile stretched across his face. 

"Thank you, Kuroido. I will show myself in." Satsuki waved her hand dismissively as the words fell, almost tonelessly, stopping him short. Ryuko could see the displeasure etched into the stone facade Satsuki wore, but had little time to think any further on the subject as they walked swiftly down a long corridor. The sound of light music and revelry seethed from the end of the hallway, but there was something else permeating the very air inside the manor. A sort of omnipresent evil, like the very walls harbored ill intentions. 

 

Before Ryuko was aware of it, Satsuki had lead her into a massive open ball room. Every pair of eyes seemed to turn towards them as Satsuki made her way through the guests and when Ryuko saw their intended destination ahead of them, she tensed. 

"Relax," Satsuki hissed, barely audible. Ragyo Kiryuin was pretending that she did not see them heading straight for her, continuing her conversation with an elegantly dressed woman beside her. Her eyes darted to them and back at least three times as they approached. 

"Good evening, Mother." Satsuki's voice was smooth as silk, a controlled blankness to her tone. 

“Oh, Satsuki, dear. I didn’t see you come in,” Ragyo cooed in a sickly sweet tone. Although she addressed Satsuki, her eyes never once left Ryuko. “You brought a friend. How nice.” 

Ryuko tried her best to remain calm, but her blood was quickly running cold as Ragyo leaned in to get a closer look at her.

“Mother,” Satsuki began, to stall Ragyo’s progress. “You’ve met Ryuko before. Or are you so inebriated already that you’ve forgotten?” 

There was a dangerous glint in Ragyo’s eyes that set Ryuko’s hair on end, but Satsuki remained steadfast, unphased by the silent danger lurking under the festive disguise. 

“Hardly, my darling daughter,” Ragyo gave a horribly fake laugh, that was reciprocated by the woman she had been talking to who had been watching the exchange as if watching a nature documentary. “In fact, why don’t you go get us drinks so we may celebrate. Now that you’re here, I can make the  _ wonderful _ announcement,” she almost growled the last words and Ryuko began to panic. Not even five minutes into the party and Ragyo had managed to get her alone, but Satsuki would not allow it. 

A server with a tray of champagne flutes began to wander by and Satsuki deftly relieved him of three of the delicate glasses. Ryuko would not have doubted if Satsuki hadn’t managed to call him over, unnoticed by anyone else. The disappointment flashed only briefly across Ragyo’s face before it twisted into a sly smile. Then Ryuko realized, it was a game of chess, and she was the prize. 

 

Taking the glass from Satsuki, Ragyo cleared her throat. Almost immediately the room fell silent, once again all eyes on them. 

“Honored guests, employees, and family,” Ragyo grinned again at Satsuki. “Along with this year’s holiday festivities come a most wonderful announcement. My very own daughter, Satsuki, will be joining REVOCs starting at the beginning of the new year.” Ragyo’s eyes betrayed the sick victory she felt at having successfully ensnared Satsuki back under her control. Ryuko nearly dropped her glass, and thankfully her gasp of horror was drowned out by the applauding of the crowd. Satsuki remained completely calm, taking in stride the cheers and congratulations with all the grace of a dignified heiress because, in truth, that’s what she was.

Ryuko suddenly felt out of place, and she was. Here among the elite of society, and God only knew how many of them were criminals, standing not a few feet away from the head of it all and her successor. The air was suddenly thick and Ryuko couldn’t breathe, scanning the room, she found the balcony doors and, without thinking, made her way as fast as she could towards them, alone. 

 

Once outside, Ryuko leaned against the railing of the balcony, staring out over the vast stretch of gardens beneath her. In spite of the fresh air, she couldn’t help the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

“Ryuko  _ Matoi _ ,” a disturbingly familiar voice spoke from behind her, and she wheeled around to stare straight into the eyes of Ragyo Kiryuin. Ryuko’s stomach dropped, not at the proximity, but at the way those eyes possessed the same calculated blankness that Satsuki was so careful to keep. Her thoughts choking on the phrase “ _ like mother, like daughter” _ .

“An interesting surname, don’t you think? Oddly  _ familiar _ .” Ragyo had moved to Ryuko’s side as a realization shook Ryuko to her core.

“You knew my father,” Ryuko stated, breathlessly.

Another wicked grin, one that should have scared Ryuko, but her heart was thundering in her ears and her temper was beginning to flare.

“Of course I knew your father,  _ very well _ . Didn’t you ever wonder where this came from?” Ragyo reached out and twirled the streak of red hair that had always been a part of Ryuko. It sent a wave of shudders through her.

Ryuko pushed Ragyo’s hand away and took a step back. Falling, absently, into a fighting stance. “What did my father have to do with  _ you _ ?”

Ragyo gave a low chuckle. “The price of information-”

“Is too high,” Satsuki interjected, eyes burning with anger.

Ragyo, recognizing that her opportunity had passed, smiled and turned away. “Of course you’ve already paid your price, haven’t you, Satsuki dear?”

 

Ryuko barely waited until they were alone before she practically exploded. “What the hell was that?!” 

“Ryuko, please. Calm down.” Satsuki looked pained as she tried to calm Ryuko.

“What does  _ she _ know about my father?! Did  _ you _ know about this?! Who  _ are _ you people?!” Ryuko was spiraling out of control quickly. Satsuki grabbed Ryuko’s hand and pulled her back into the building. Ryuko was struggling to break free of Satsuki’s grip, but the warning glare that Satsuki threw her told her to stop. As she was pulled through the crowd, she noticed a few men, dressed in impeccable suits, watching them. Realizing that they were making sure Satsuki wasn’t being accosted, Ryuko immediately stopped fighting.

 

Satsuki pulled them into a bedroom the size of their entire apartment, slammed the door behind them, and pulled Ryuko to her. Her kiss was fierce, and for the first time, Ryuko could not discern what it conveyed. When Satsuki pulled away, Ryuko wrapped an arm around her, searching her eyes for something she may have missed. They were not guarded, as usual, but there was pain and something else so deep in those pools of blue. Ryuko longed to know what it was, and so she brought their lips together again. 

“You did it on purpose,” Ryuko said, barely above a whisper. “Joined REVOCs.” Satsuki nodded.

“The less you know, the safer you are. The price of information is your life, one way or another.” Satsuki rested her head back against the door and let out a deep breath.

“She doesn’t know anything about my father, does she?” Ryuko asked, fingers tracing light circles in the small of Satsuki’s back. Noticing for the first time how exhausted Satsuki looked.

“I don’t know,” Satsuki said thickly. “I could try to find out, but it will be diffi-” Ryuko stopped her mid sentence with another kiss and Satsuki smiled warmly. “I love you too,” she whispered against Ryuko’s lips.

Satsuki let out a small noise of surprise as Ryuko hoisted one of her leg’s up, pulling Satsuki’s dress up in the process. They were kissing again, slow and drawn out, as Ryuko’s hand found it’s way between Satsuki’s legs.

“I thought I was supposed to be the one making it worth your while to be here?” Satsuki asked between kisses. She groaned as Ryuko’s fingers slid easily into her slick folds, head gently resting back against the door.

“You  _ are _ making it worth my while,” Ryuko said, trailing kisses down Satsuki’s exposed neck. 

Satsuki’s breath was ragged and shallow as Ryuko moved inside her, curling her fingers gently at the apex of each thrust. She tried to move her hips forward to match the movements, but Ryuko pressed her body firmly against Satsuki's, pinning her against the door. 

Ryuko captured Satsuki’s lips again, trying to ground herself, the sight of Satsuki coming undone always made her own world spin. She thrust as deep as she could and Satsuki broke away with a loud gasp, curling into Ryuko, resting her head on the shorter woman's sturdy shoulder. 

“ _ Fuck me,”  _ Satsuki whispered, hoarse and drunk with pleasure. Ryuko pulled Satsuki's leg tighter around her waist as she quickened her pace. Angling her hand so that with each thrust, her palm grazed Satsuki's swollen bud. 

Satsuki was panting as she gave into the orgasm. Ryuko’s name falling from her lips in a choked sob. Ryuko slowed and eventually stopped, bringing Satsuki back to reality gently, slowly. Satsuki nearly whined as they separated and smirked as she watched Ryuko look around, holding her hand up. She grabbed Ryuko’s wrist and pulled the two fingers into her mouth, swirling her tongue around each. Ryuko stared, jaw dropped, as Satsuki did so. 

“I was going to do that,” Ryuko protested but hummed a satisfied sound as Satsuki kissed her. 

“Do me a favor,” Satsuki stared hard at Ryuko. “Don't leave my side again.” 

“You don't have to worry about that,” Ryuko replied, waving her hands in surrender. 

“And if you're good, I'll repay you the favor when we get home.” Satsuki winked as she pulled the room door shut.

“Uhhhh, where are we?” Ryuko asked as she looked up and down the hallway. She would have no idea how to get back to the party, let alone out of the house, without Satsuki guiding her.

“My wing of the house. That was my bedroom. Why?”

“You're wing of the- what?!” Ryuko spluttered in amazement.

“Everything comes at a price in this house, Ryuko.” Satsuki said darkly and did not elaborate.

 

***

 

In the few days between Christmas and the new year, Ryuko decided to open her new gym for her clients to get acquainted with it. She had brought Mako in to work the front desk and invited Aikuro and Tsumugu. The four of them were lounging at the front desk area. 

“Yo, Matoi! Check this out!” Uzu cut into the conversation Ryuko and Mako were engrossed in. He thrust his phone in front of the two women with a grin on his face. 

“Dude...sometimes I wonder about you,” Ryuko said. The video was of two men, dressed in only what appeared to be black leather pants, oiled up, wrestling one another. 

“What?” He asked with a worried tone in his voice as Mako snickered. 

“Didn’t we try that out the other night?” Aikuro asked Tsumugu and the mohawked man fell out of the chair he had been leaning backwards in. 

“ _ That’s  _ new,” Mako said watching Tsumugu get back up. 

“No! I mean- It’s-” Uzu spluttered before Ira interjected. 

“Turkish oil wrestling. A most noble sport.” Ira’s deep voice was full of reverence and sincerity. 

“Thank you! Somebody gets it.” Uzu said, exasperated. 

“Wait, you’re joking. Right?” Ryuko asked as she stared at the screen again. One of the men was on his knees, his opponent had an arm, up the the elbow, down the back of his pants. 

“No. It’s the national sport and it’s quite beautiful,” Ira explained.

“Pffffft, it’s beautiful alright,” Tsumugu snorted as he leaned back in his chair again. 

“It’s about strength and endurance, honor and humility. Oil wrestling was once regarded as the primary conditioning method for the elite of the Ottoman armies. The sport is steeped in tradition and often regarded as one of the purest forms of wrestling.” Ira threw a look at Tsumugu. “There’s nothing sexual about it.” 

“Ok, but why the hands in the pants? Come on, Ira.” Ryuko was pointing at the screen again as the earlier opponent actually hoisted the other man off the ground by his pants.

“Have you ever tried to wrestle someone doused in oil, Matoi? Sometimes the only way to get a hold on your opponent is by grasping the kispet.” 

“Let’s do it,” Uzu cut in. 

Ryuko blinked at him. “You’re fucking joking?” Everyone except Ira was smirking at the two of them now. 

“Hell no! Come on! Challenge issued.” Uzu put his phone back in his pocket, a fire in his eyes. 

“One problem, numbskull,” Ryuko began. 

“What? Scared I’ll finally beat you at something?” Uzu sneered. 

“No. I have tits,” Ryuko reached out and flicked Uzu’s nipple as it protruded from under his tank top. 

“Ow! So what?!” He protested. 

“These guys are topless and  _ I’m _ not oil wrestling topless.” Ryuko spat, glaring at him. 

“It’s a fair point Matoi makes,” Ira said solemnly. Everyone else seemed to deflate at this. 

“So don’t do it topless. We can wrap your top with plastic wrap so the oil will still work.” Uzu was persistent. Ryuko had the feeling that he  _ was  _ trying to find something to finally beat Ryuko at.  

“Dude, if you wanna oil wrestle someone so bad, wrestle Ira. He knows all the rules already,” a faint smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. The tell tale sign that Ryuko was fired up at a challenge. Uzu watched in terror as the hulking, muscled form of Ira Gamagoori flexed and drew up to full height. 

“I will humbly accept your challenge,” Ira boomed and Uzu visibly jumped. 

“I’ll wrestle you  _ if _ , and only if, you wrestle Ira first,” Ryuko said, a full grin on her face. 

 

“Uhhh…ok. How do we do this?” Uzu took a step back from the desk and Ira. 

“We need a grass field, handstitched leather trousers of water buffalo hide or calfskin, and a lot of olive oil,” Ira said. 

“You guys can use our back yard. It’s pretty big and it’s fenced,” Aikuro offered. 

“Wait, you guys moved from above the bar?” Ryuko asked in shock. 

“Yeah, a few months ago, but you never come in anymore.” Tsumugu sounded a little hurt. 

“Well, I’m kinda busy, you know,” Ryuko argued. 

“Can we just use regular leather pants? We have to hand stitch them from cow hide?” Uzu asked. 

Ira let out a huff. “I suppose, but they are to cover the length between the navel and the knee. No shorter and no longer.”    
  


So the match was set, and when Ryuko and Uzu both arrived at the apartment with leather pants and gallon jugs of olive oil, their significant others were, as they were when regarding most of their shenanigans, horrified. 

“You mean to tell me you’re going to douse yourselves in oil, your hands down each other's pants, and call it wrestling?” Nonon asked as she watched the same video Uzu had shown the others. 

“No, you’ve got it all wrong, babe. It’s nothing sexual. It’s about strength and Honduras. Honor and humanity,” Uzu said, trying to parrot Ira’s explanation, but failing. 

Satsuki’s eyebrow quirked. “Didn’t you say it was Turkish?” 

Ryuko smacked a hand to her forehead. “Strength and  _ endurance.  _ Honor and  _ humility _ ...idiot. And he has to wrestle Ira first.” 

“I...whatever. I wonder about you sometimes,” Nonon sighed, knowing there was no stopping the inevitable. 

Since all they could find were full-length leather pants, Ryuko and Uzu sat at the dining room table stitching a new hem onto their very non-traditional kipsets. Satsuki sat, behind her laptop as she had refused to move, and watched in silent amusement. Ryuko was done rather quickly, however Uzu remained at the table well into the night. 

 

The next day, after finally getting Nonon to agree to attend the match, they all left to meet at Aikuro and Tsumugu’s. Ira and Mako were already there. The three of them watched as Ira was doing some sort of march around the backyard, not at all phased by the crisp weather. 

“I remember him!  _ You’re  _ gonna wrestle THAT guy?!” Nonon nearly shouted incredulously. “HA!” 

Uzu slunk back into the house to change muttering about how it wasn’t his choice. Satsuki was wrapping Ryuko’s sports bra in plastic wrap. To ensure that it was sturdy, but not constrictive, Ryuko then began to stretch and warm up. 

Uzu strutted out of the house in his leather trousers and presented his butt to all of them. The words “Uzu The Destroyer” spelled out in glittering green rhinestones. 

“Freud would have a field day with you,” Nonon groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Oh, hell no. Oil yourself.” Nonon spat as Uzu held a jug of oil out to her. 

“I did some light research and from what I understand, the champions are to oil each other,” Satsuki said, but she was currently pouring oil over Ryuko. “As a sign of mutual respect.” 

“Well look at that. It’s your dream come true. Go have that massive dude oil you up, Uzu.” 

“I’m not gay, ok!?” Uzu said, exasperated as he held up the jug to Nonon again. 

“Just oil your champion, Jakuzure. Question his sexuality later,” Satsuki said quietly. 

 

Finally, after an abundant amount of snarky commentary from Nonon, Satsuki spending a little too much time oiling Ryuko’s abdomen, and Ira lecturing Nonon about the nobility of the sport, they were ready. Ira explained how to win. Expose your opponents navel to the heavens or lift them entirely off the ground and walk five paces in any direction. As far as actual rules, it was mostly at the discretion of their referee, Satsuki as she was the only one who had bothered to learn about the sport, to call fouls as she saw fit. 

Ira and Uzu met in the middle of the yard, the former towering over the latter, and shook hands. Uzu let out a yelp as Ira pulled him into a visibly bone crushing hug. When they separated, Uzu gasped as he looked at Satsuki, croaking about a foul, but she had already signaled the beginning of the match. As soon as he finished his protests, he was knocked clean to the ground by a punishing open-handed blow to the back of the neck from Ira. No sooner than he had hit the ground, Ira had plunged his arm completely down Uzu’s pants and hoisted him up. 

“Ok, Ok! I don’t want to-” 

“VICTORY! IRA GAMAGOORI!” Satsuki shouted before Uzu could finish forfeiting.  Nonon was laughing hysterically as she sat next to a disappointed looking Aikuro.

“Oh come on! Like anybody thought that would end differently,” Uzu shouted at Nonon. 

“Doesn’t make it any less hilarious,” she responded before sipping her drink with a smirk. 

 

To ensure there was no favoritism, Ira replaced Satsuki as the referee for the next match. They were both evenly matched in strength, but Uzu had height over Ryuko as they stood, face to face, ready to go. They shook hands and assumed a fighting position, one that Ira seemed generally displeased with as it looked like they were about to start a UFC match rather than a wrestling match, but he signaled the start without protest. 

They circled each other for a while before Uzu made a move, trying to copy Ira’s open-handed blow, but failing as Ryuko lunged under his extended arm and attempted to take him down. Instead, due to all the oil, she slid and grabbed hold of the only thing she could, his pants, which fell to the ground as she did.

Everyone but Satsuki and Nonon jumped out of their seats. Aikuro and Tsumugu whistled and clapped. Mako was giggling, pinching her thumb and forefinger together, mocking the size, or lack, of Uzu’s manhood. Satsuki pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a long sigh. 

“At least he knows how to use it,” Nonon grumbled, staring daggers at Mako. 

“Hey! It’s cold out here!” Uzu argued in defense. 

 

Ira called a time-out for Uzu to pull his pants up. “Officially, that’s a loss Sanageyama, but I’ll let it slide.”  

“Try to keep your pants on this time,” Ryuko growled as they began circling each other again.

“You’re the one that pulled them  _ down, _ ” he responded as he lunged in for the open-handed blow again. “All you have to do is ask. I’m sure Nonon would let you and Satsuki join us.” 

 

His mistake was that he stood at full height and held up his hands as he spoke. Ryuko jumped straight at the waistband of his pants. She spun him around and flung him down. Painfully, but luckily, Uzu fell face first to the ground and Ryuko was already on top of him, attempting to pick him up. 

There was no way in hell Ryuko was going to put her hands down Uzu’s pants. Especially as far and forcibly (and unashamedly) as Ira had, but she wanted to win the same way Ira had. By lifting Uzu and carrying him five paces. She tried three times to lift him without using the pants as leverage, but all three times he squirmed and slipped out of her hold. 

“COME ON RYUKO! KICK HIS ASS!!.” Mako shouted, prompting Nonon to join in the cheering. 

“LISTEN UP, YA BIG DUMB MONKEY! IF YOU LOSE YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANY FOR A MONTH!”

Ryuko had Uzu in a weak headlock as they both huffed and puffed, exhausted from the nearly ten minutes of struggling.  

“Man,” Ryuko began between breaths. “Is she  _ ever _ nice to you?” 

Uzu managed a weak laugh. “She’d kill me if I told you,” and Ryuko could feel him grinning.      

 

After several more minutes of struggling, Uzu had managed to slip completely out of Ryuko’s holds and made it to his knees, but his attempt to get back up to his feet set Ryuko up perfectly. In all the slipping around, Ryuko had ended up in front of Uzu, and as he placed one foot on the ground, she locked a hold around his knee. Realizing his mistake, he locked a hold of his own around her chest, but all this did was secure her victory. As he attempted to pick her up, she pulled his leg out from under him, bearing his weight on her back and quickly flipped him over. He landed, with a great thud, on his own back, stunned and coughing at the force with which he hit the ground. Ira held Ryuko’s hand up to cheers and applause from everyone but Nonon.   

 

***

 

Ryuko cut their new year's kiss short and rested her chin on Satsuki’s chest again. The room lit with an eerie orange glow reflected from the freshly falling snow off the streetlights. The sounds of people celebrating in the streets dimly drifted through the silence. The air was thick with apprehension, they both knew what the new year signified. 

Satsuki pressed a gentle kiss to Ryuko’s forehead. “Happy New Year, Ryuko.” She softly hooked her ankle under Ryuko’s as they lay under the sheets. 

Ryuko let out a deep breath and turned her head so that her ear was pressed to Satsuki’s chest, listening to the steady heartbeat. A behavior more frequent of Satsuki, but only now did Ryuko fully understand the significance. Listening to that heart beating, the soft breathing, the sounds of life within Satsuki. It filled Ryuko with a sense of peace. A place to anchor in a sea of uncertainty. If everything in the entire world were to disappear at that moment, there would still be this; there would still be Satsuki. Would there always be Satsuki? 

“Satsuki?” An entirely new warmth spread through her as she felt, and heard, the low hum in response reverberating in Satsuki’s chest. “How dangerous is this? Whatever you’re planning?”

Satsuki was quiet for a long time before answering. “Ignorance is bliss, my love.”  

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry this took a year to produce. I will do my best to not let it happen again. Now that I actually have some plot to work with, it should be a little easier.


End file.
